The fate of Scars
by Isabella25
Summary: What happens when the war is over.When Harry lost his one and only goal in his life?Will everything match together magically or it takes a hell of a time and pain.Will he be able to fit in...to forgive himself?Will Ginny take him back like most of us assumed ?Trouble has a habit of finding Harry after all. The Question is how?when?and where.
1. Chapter 1

_**The characters of the following story belong to J.K Rowling and this is my version of after war.**_

 _ **Chapter 1**_

 _ **Drop…Drop…Drops of Blood were hitting a dirty ceramic floor, making a small red pool. It was too foggy to see the source of Blood but he tried. His fingers tried to clear the fog and his eyes saw a bloody hand..." help" he whispered. He wanted to go further but his legs wouldn't let him…Blood was dripping from a deep cut on a wrist and when he got a closer a look he saw a handwriting …**_

" _ **I must not tell lies"**_

 **He opened his mouth in a silent scream but the voice died down from the horror of the scene in front of him. The bloody wrist…his wrist was cut off. His broken fingers wrapped around the elder wand…" No.." he whispered louder this time. His breathing became heavy...He took a step back, then another and something hit his ankle, making him fall on his back. Only he didn't fall on the floor but he kept sinking in the darkness. Pain shot through his body and his green eyes snapped open…His heart was beating fast and his chest was on fire…He gripped the wand in his sweaty scared hand and sat up, ready to face the danger but there was none. His chest was moving up and down rapidly and he was panting like he had just ran a mile or two. He realized from his clear sight that he had fallen sleep with his glasses on his eyes. He let out a shaky breath and leaned back on the headboard. Hermione was curled up in Ron's arms right in the next bed. He fixed his eyes on the two of them, sleeping not peacefully yet soundly. One would think he finally should be happy or feel something. Now that there was no…No Dark Lord. A green light flashed in front of her inner mind and his body stiffened for a minute and this time he noticed the pain in his chest. He rubbed the place with his palm which only made things worse. There was a pile of sandwiches and a jug pumpkin's juice next to his bed along with some clean clothes which he assumed was Creature's work. His hand snatched some clean clothes and he half dragged himself in the bathroom to take a shower. He felt…Dirty. As Dark and dirty as the spilled blood, As Death.**

 **His nails pulled on the fabric, covering his body and took off every single piece of clothing…He looked up to the mirror and stared back at the broken yet familiar image of the Harry James Potter with a new set off scars, including a life longing deep open gash on his chest, right where the killing curse had hit him for the second time. It was like someone had ripped him apart…A part of him was missing and he felt…nothing…No feelings...His mind was shut down and wouldn't let him remember or feel at all…but deep down the pain was pulsing…breathing and seeking a chance to lash out and sallow what was left in his shell. Harry took off the glasses with surprisingly steady hands and opened the cold water, closing his eyes and leaning back his head to the wall, wishing it could wash everything away. The freezing water was hitting his skin constantly but all he felt was burning. His nails were turning purple and his skin started to feel numb after a while. Just like his mind, just how he wanted to feel. His eyes opened for a second and what he saw made his breath hitch. Blood was gathered around his feet and the cold water was only making it grow. He traced his new scar and watched his bloodstained hands which was clean after seconds by the water.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Harry took off his glasses with surprisingly steady hands and opened the cold water, closing his eyes and leaned back his head on the wall, wishing it could wash everything away. The freezing water was hitting his skin constantly but all he felt was burning. His nails were turning purple and his skin started to feel numb after a while. Just like his mind, just how he wanted to feel. His eyes opened for a second and what he saw made his breath hitch. Blood was gathered around his feet and the cold water was only making it grow. He traced his new scar and watched his bloodstained hands which was clean after seconds by the water._

 _ **Author: The characters of the following story belong to J.K Rowling and this is my version of after war.**_

 _ **Chapter 2**_

His pupils were fixed on the sinking red liquid, disappearing in the pipes under the floor. Harry barely released the breath he wasn't aware of holding and searched clumsily with his wet fingers for anything to help him wash the dirt and blood from his body. Once he found the soap and the Shampoo he closed his eyes again, not daring to look down at the pool of blood but he could almost taste the thick smell of iron at the back of his throat. He swallowed a mouthful of water…then two…followed by the third but the bitter taste in his mouth didn't go away. The rest of his time in the shower was nothing but a blur in his mind, he didn't remember quite well or rather didn't want to remember. He refused to accept the helplessness filling him more and more by minutes passing by.

By the time he was out of the bathroom, His friends were tangled with each other and the sheets even more. The sight of them finding comfort in each other so intimately was unfamiliar and though it considered a happy ending, it also brought a sense of sadness. Not anyone could find the fact of Ron not snoring in his sleep uneasy and worrying. For Harry it meant That his best friend was experiencing the after effects of Fred's death. He could tell by the firm grip of Ron's hands around Hermione that even in his sleep he couldn't shake the terror of her screams which they both heard in the Malfoy's not so comfortable dungeons. "Silenceo" he said in his mind in order not to wake them up from his movements around the room. He was in no kind of state to realize he had just done the spell with no wand or saying it out loud. His mind was still blank, keeping him sane enough. The wound on his chest was wrapped by a white bandage he had found in bathroom and he ignored the stinging and red stain on the white fabric and he busied himself with putting on the clean clothes Kreacher had left for him on his bed. A shot of pumpkin's juice almost helped the blood taste in his mouth before he wore his invisibility cloak and grabbed the wands on his bed stand and left his old room.

The first sight greeting him was sleeping people on the staircases, probably afraid of unknown attacks towards the chosen one." Yeah…That's it. Line up for death to protect me…Line the life of yours and your family for me…just like you always do." He said in his mind with a hint of anger rising but he climbed down the stairs and left the damaged common room, making no sounds. The castle was dead silent. After all the chaos and war, it seemed kind of strange. His feet moved him to first floor, seeking a way out of the mess Hogwarts was in and also looking for Dumbledore's tomb. While passing from the great hall's open doors he kept telling himself "Don't look…keep going…Don't look" but despite his best efforts, his head turned and he got a glimpse of what was exactly happening in the large broken hall and what he saw made him regret moving out of the bed instantly. Rows and Rows of unmoving people could be seen lying on the once shiny floor. Some so bloody and battled that they were barely recognizable and some simply looking somewhere distant with lifeless eyes…His body started to act on its own almost like his mind was shut off and incapable of functioning but he could feel the growing pain in his chest. It hurt to breath to inhale Oxygen when so many could not. His feet took him to the opposite direction, getting as far as they could from the dead bodies.

Once Harry got himself together he realized that his feet had taken him to the least place he wished to go…Here he was, standing at the edge of the forbidden forest. There was this temptation inside him to go and look for the stone. Seeking his peace with the dead. He took a step inside the forest and was met with the ghostly faces and lifeless eyes of all the people who had died in the war. Harry took three steps back and almost cried out in fear but no sound came out of his mouth. The cloak almost slipped off him. His sweaty shaky hands wrapped tightly around the cloak and he ran. He ran…and ran. Blood pounding in his ears, his lungs running out of the air.

A part of sky was getting lighter and lighter as the night was falling into the hands of sun but darkness was still present in the forbidden forest. By the time Harry was out of breath and forced to stop, only a shade of light had become visible between the green leaves of trees. He was panting with his hands on his knees, trying to suppress the burning pain in his sides. His green orbs looked for a tiny black stone on the ground but it was almost impossible to find the Resurrection stone in the blood soaked soil. He let out a pained groan and sank to his knees, touching the ground with his burned and scarred palms like a blind person. He wanted to…. needed to get them back. He needed them alive. He didn't give a damn about Dumbledore's or anyone's words at the moment. He could only see the cold lifeless eyes of Fred, Lupin, Tonks and so many others hunting him. Even without the stone he could see the ghosts peeking out from the trees, coming closer, reaching out while saying the same thing "Harry…" Sweat rolled from his temple down to his neck, where it made the chain mark sting, his mouth went dry "please…" he choked. The ghostly bodies were closing around him, blocking his air "I didn't want it…. I…. I couldn't stop it" A cold hissing sound approached him from behind. His hair rose, hearing a snake move deep in the forest "Too late…" Harry turned and met the red merciless eyes of Tom riddle, staring at his core, making him feel naked and exposed under the ghostly gaze. But what he felt wasn't fear, wasn't the urge to fight. Even in those minutes of insanity he knew Tom Riddle was gone for good but his words cut deep nevertheless. Like a pair of poisonous fangs sinking in his heart, making it clench so hard till he breathed out the words and the pain with them "I was too late…" he repeated and all the ghosts disappeared at once. He shivered from the sudden cold. Part of him expected to see a Dementor hiding in the shadows but there were none. Realization came to him like a wave as the ugly truth stared him at the face "I was too late..." His throat muscled flexed and his mouth tried to swallow the thick lump blocking his air way but it wouldn't budge. Before he could process anything further, the sounds of footsteps made his adrenaline spike and he turned with his wand ready and a spell at the tip of his tongue. The sight of red ginger hair made his reaction stop but unlike a few hours before it didn't calm him. "Harry?" Ginny asked with uncertainty in her voice. "You OK? "He blunt out without wasting a second "Fine" He dropped his eyes and hide his wand back at his sleeve, not meeting her chocolate orbs. "Yeah…sure you are" She mocked. It came to him as a surprise. Yes, there was mock but the sharp coldness was nothing like Ginny. At least the Ginny he once knew. Something or rather someone had dulled the fire in her. He snapped to her words while his mind was still occupied with processing the changes in her." What's that supposed to mean?" Ginny was already ready to leave but she stared hard at his eyes, unblinkingly. "You know what I mean" with that said, she was gone. As quickly and quietly as she had come. Harry let his head fall back, leaning on a huge tree trunk. She probably didn't want to see him or have anything to do with him. After all Fred…It was weird to call his name without the ever sticking word "George". Oh George…The one man he wanted to avoid at all costs. The simple thought of his name made him sick to his stomach. Acid rising to his throat, burning all the way up to his chest. He managed to swallow it with difficulty and pressed his palms to his eyes, trying to push them back into his skull so the horrible images would stop playing in his mind. If only he had known sooner, if only he had offered himself at the start, things would have been very different. Why didn't Dumbledore tell him before his death? Afraid he might chicken out? He never could…if it meant to save the others, if it meant for blood to be spared, he would do it in a heartbeat. Didn't Dumbledore know that? So what was his reason? The timing? Harry could have make it work. He could have stopped everything if only he knew…But nothing could change the fact of Dumbledore not risking. Perhaps in his eyes these dead people…children even were collateral damage. Everything for the greater good.

When the first rays of sunshine hit Harry's face, he opened his eyes and made his way back to the castle, once again under the safety of his father's invisibility cloak. He knew that he had to go back. He knew everyone will worry, wonder and look for him and by everyone he meant the people he had hurt the most. Maybe he was wrong, maybe he should let them be…After all people were _**safer**_ without him. There are words you hear that are not so easy to erase, forget or ignore and at that moment his aunt Petunia's words rang in his ears" and you were just like them… _ **a freak**_ …"

Standing at the bottom of the white tomb, Harry took out the elder wand. The famous wand didn't feel like any other wand he had ever touched. He could almost feel the life moving in the wood, trapped and longing for him, calling his name. His pupils got fixed on the wand and his hold tightened around it due to the growing temptation of keeping it but as the noble Harry potter went, he put the wand back where it belonged or so he thought.

Hermione Jean Granger was staring at the Gryffindor common room's fire, watching the flames dance. It had been only a day or two since everything had took a dramatic turn. The wizarding world, though still grieving, was slowly trying to get back on its feet. Unlike the first war there was no celebrations at least not the kind she heard of but there were funerals and orphaned kids with no home. The most important magical places in Britain were facing massive destruction such as Gringorts, Hogsmeade and Hogwarts itself. Houses were burned down and family members missed much like hers. It would take a while for the people on run to hear about the news. She was thinking of the three of them and how hard they could get their hands on a piece of news.

It was easy to lose yourself in repairing works and tasks at hands but somewhere in the back of her mind, she was panicking and terrified. She needed to find them, now that everything had changed. But even though Voldemort had been killed the war was not over yet and it certainly wasn't safe to travel to Australia, much less for a muggle born like her who had helped Harry Potter all along. How could she bring her family back to this chaos? They didn't have any idea of what was it like to be helpless under torture you're receiving. Helpless to hear the disgusting voice of a mad woman. She shuddered as her mind replayed the events of the Malfoy manor, hugging herself and getting closer to the fire. War seemed to be over but nothing was the same. Not Her nor Ron and nor Harry. They hadn't talked about the kiss, not even mentioning it. They avoided talking about it so much that she thought that it had only happened in her imaginations. Did she regret it? Thinking back about the moment they were only a step from death her answer was No, she did not. Ron wasn't himself these past few days, ever since he had seen Fred death by his own eyes and she couldn't blame him. He seemed to feel the urge and need to stick around his family after being away for so long and after all the loss and trauma.

She sighed, it wasn't like she was complaining. No she was in fact proud of him to be the one who his family could lean and count on but none of it helped the loneliness she was feeling, like she was out of the place and an outsider. Maybe that was the reason she was trying to get her family back. As wonderful as Weasleys were, they needed and deserved some family time. She had already talked to Kingsley about her trip and with all the pressing issues, he still helped her find a way to Australia a.s.a.p. with a crew of people who were looking for their family members as well. She couldn't ask Ron to come with her and asking Harry was out of the question. He seemed distant and confused. The few times she had seen him since the final Battel, he was pretty shaken up. She needed to talk to him, maybe asking him to come wasn't such a bad idea after all. As long as it didn't give Ron any funny ideas. She just had to go through her stuff in the purse, seeing if she needed to replace somethings or throw them out. But as she started to search for it, the purse was nowhere to be found, nor was Harry.

 _ **Author: Sorry for updating so late but I try to update the story regularly from now on. I'll be very happy to read your reviews and your thoughts about the story. I'm almost new to writing and since English is not my first language I would appreciate your help and advice.**_

 _ **Thank you for reading**_


	3. Chapter 3

Author: The characters of the following story belongs to J.K Rowling and this is my version of after war.

 **Warning:** **This Chapter contains violence and sexual harassment. You could skip the Italic part if you like.**

 **Chapter 3**

England's sky in the Forest of Dean was heavily cloudy. No ray of sunshine could be seen between the tall trees. Mud was covering the forest's ground and it would stick to everything that was trying to move on it, including a pair of worn sport shoes. The wind was howling like a woman calling for a lost one, a husband, a child or many others. The shoes stopped when they reached a lake nearby. The blue of water seemed mostly Grey due to dark clouds covering Sky's face. The last time Harry had walked to this lake; he had been following Snape's or rather his mother's deer. His feet took him around till he was walking in circles right on the edge of the lake. Snape must had been hiding somewhere close. In the bushes perhaps? Harry sat down on the mud-covered ground and stared at the water, remembering the events of his last visit. He remembered the freezing weather, the voices in the wind, which he knew by then belonged to his best friend of seven years, the silver deer and the lake. His fingers dipped in the gray water as if trying to see it was still icy cold or not. His other hand traced the mark around his neck. The hocrox had been beating like a metal heart that night and as soon as his fingertips had so much as brushed against the sword, the chain had tightened around his neck much like his own hand that was trying to choke him right then. For a moment everything stopped, his breathing along with the flashing images in his mind but then he dropped his hand, shaking his head and tried to reason with his traumatized self that his actions were nothing close to a sane person's behavior. He sighed tiredly and lied back on the muddy surface. He felt more at peace then that he was away from everyone and everything. Back in the castle, he was constantly on the edge. The thought of staying in one place seemed maddening to him like something was poking him in the ribs. Sometimes the breathing came hard, like his lungs couldn't be quite filled. Sleep was becoming like a farfetched dream. There were times he was in need of a dreamless potion so bad, away from the memories of both himself and Tom's, which he had experienced rather than seen in his visions but then again he was reminded of all the pain and misery he had caused. All the people he couldn't have saved. Enduring the sleepless nights to remember that fact was the least he could do to never forget. People might think that he was in pain, grieving of some sort and it wasn't completely false yet it wasn't the whole truth either. The truth was much uglier than noble. So much that it wasn't shareable not even with his closest friends Ron and Hermione. He felt lost more than anything did. Not just lost with his life and purpose. Part of it was because he had done what he was born for and somehow survived he didn't know what to do and the other part was because a dark hole inside him… Ever since he had woken up in the forbidden forest, the hole was there and it only had grown after Tom's death. The absence of the hocrox in his soul had made an empty space, which he had no idea how to fill. Could it be…could it be loneliness? He shuddered from the mere idea. How could he feel lonely after he had successfully gotten ridden of a dark creature clinging to his mind. But that very unknown piece of Voldemort had been with him since he was one. It was with him when he was left at the Durselys doorstep, when he used to dream of a green light in his cupboard under the stairs and wish for a long lost relative to come and take him away, with him when he had received his first letter and found out about the wizarding world. That hocrox was always with him like a whisper in the back of his mind. One he could reach out and touch it if he wanted to and in the absence of it everything was so quite in his mind. There were only flashes, images in a blood red and killing curse green background. No voice …No thoughts. Only memories. Could he ever feel complete again? What if it wasn't gone? What if it had taken over his soul completely? He couldn't risk being around people for long. He could have hurt them, put them in even more danger than before. He wished that it were all in his head. All wrong, all imaginations but what about the sparks that came out of his wand sometimes without him even noticing. His magic was unstable, too powerful or too weak at times.

He widened his arms and looked at the cloudy sky, the urge to scream was becoming more and more and when the first thunder came, he let out the weight in his chest, screaming at the sky. When the raindrops started to hit his face, he realized that he had stopped screaming and was now panting as if he had just run a mile or two. Rain had disturbed the lake's calmness, making the water rise little by little till Harry's legs were under the cool water right under his knees. There on the mixture of rain, mud and grass laid the savior of the wizarding world, wondering what he was supposed to do with surviving the bloody war.

He never realized when his eyes shot down on their own and his body had slipped in sleep out of exhaustion. He had experienced many sleepless nights but the loyal nightmares would always remember to stick to his mind, leaving him uneasy and upset. Sometimes everything happened so fast in his dreams that he could only see blurs moving around yet the sounds were present much like the time he wouldn't put his glasses on. These dreams were one of the worst ones since they messed with his mind so bad that he couldn't tell the difference between the reality and his dreams. A frown appeared on his face as he tried to make out the words people were saying. Someone was talking…no…begging…what was it she was begging for again? Mercy? His mind to grasp the unrecognizable words but the only words he could understand were please, help and don't. His eyes opened widely when he heard a loud yet young scream. His heart was thumping in his chest and he was in a seating position before he knew it. The sparks coming from his right hand told him that he had already had his wand ready even though he was supposed to be sleep. He let out a shaky breath. It was just a dream, he told himself to calm his panicked mind that refused to lower his adrenalin. He was about to move when he heard it again. There it was…the scream. This time his grip on his phoenix wand tightened and he covered himself with his invisibility clock as fast as his wet cold left fingers allowed him. Hermione's purse was hanging loosely from his pocket as he took cautious steps towards the scream direction.

A year on the run had sharpened his senses enough to hear the muffled talking through rain's sound. He tried his best to walk slowly and on the less muddy parts of the forest, afraid of splashing water and informing the yet unknown people of his presence. He held his breath and stepped closer, pulling the bushes aside slightly with the tip of his wand. He was greeted by a sight that made his body froze and boiled his blood instead. His green eyes were fixed on a half-naked female. He could not see her face clearly and therefore her age remained a mystery to him. The fact that he was unable to see the female's face was not because the rain or the blurry vision with his wet glasses on but it was because of a pair of strong yet dirty hands that held her long blond hair as a leash and was forcing her head between his own legs. She was struggling with all her might but another man was holding her hand from the back, pulling hard till the pop sound told Harry that her shoulder was dislocated. The first man used her scream to force her mouth to take his manhood "Let the little bitch struggle Mike…I like them more when they're wild " the man grunted as he pulled on the blond locks in her hand. The man who was holding her hands from behind or rather Mike howled with laughter and kneeled down to trace his wand on the woman's throat outline." Will here is so generous but if you try anything…",he pushed the tip of his wand on the end of her throat painfully, making her gasp in pain and the result was Will pushing his manhood further her throat, chuckling darkly." I'll use the little boy instead of you, so be a good little slut for us and swallow" He rubbed his hand on the girl's neck, squeezing hard before petting it. Mike did not miss the girl's eyes moving towards the little boy who he personally had bound to a tree, leaving him there to watch his older sister being harassed. Harry gagged along with the girl, incapable of holding his vomit from the violence. His hands were shaking and the wand was vibrating in his hand.

"Did you hear that?" Will asked, pausing his actions but not losing his grip on the girl's hair. Harry stiffened visibly. In the face of danger, there were always different reactions inside Harry. One was like a scared innocent child. The very one which was telling him that they were going to find him and kill him like a rat or worse, making him blow them instead. Another one was a part other people knew as the ever noble Harry Potter, willing to fight until his last breath and save as much as people he could manage and the last one…Oh the last one loved danger. The last one that Snape was the first to recognize in him, maybe a little after uncle Vernon, and Serious failed to notice. The very last part of him wanted to play with fire, see if it could burn him. The adrenaline, the rush and the way his eyes changed to look like a predator, not looking for a prey but for a challenger. Harry licked his dry lips, breathing out slowly without even realizing, changing his posture.

"Hear what? It was just the bitch and the rain " Will grunted to Mike, trying to pick up his pace again but Harry's wand decided it was a good moment to interrupt and started to let out shiny sparks, vibrating violently in Harry's hand. No matter how hard Harry tried to control it, there was no use. His whole body was on fire. He gripped the wand with both hand but the instability was not from the wand therefore it was no use to grip it harder.

Both men were fully alert by then. Mike immediately drew his wand and let go of the girl's hands" Fuck, there is no mistaking that Will "Will was next to reach for his own wand, looking at the bushes nearby, cursing under his breath. He pushed the girl off violently" I thought you have set privacy spells man… Who are you out there?" He pointed his wand towards the bushes, disarming spell on the tip of his tongue.

Harry was torn between all of his feelings. The hatred and the fear. He wanted to run away from them and towards them at the same time. Even if he wanted to save his own skin, could he leave the girl and the boy behind? Could he stomach the responsibility of even more death and destruction? At the end, the noble part of him won the inner battel. Harry James Potter was not a coward. Right when he made his mind to interfere and took off his invisibility cloak, the last spark of his wand set the bushes on fire. Mike and Will stepped back in awe and fear, firing spell after spell towards the flames where they could see the outline of a man's body." You want to play?" Harry smirked and stepped through the dying fire, swiping his wands towards the men. He opened his mouth but his mind failed to find a spell. A spell that could ease the rage inside him. For him it was as if time had stopped but in reality, everything happened in less than ten seconds. A powerful spell burst out of his wand, throwing him two feet away and blinded his eyes. All he could hear were screams. Screams of pain and horror. His glasses were knocked out and were hanging loop sided on his left ear. He coughed and tried to fix it upon his face as he was getting back to his feet, ignoring the pain in his chest and the sticky substances on his body. Once his vision was clear, he blinked…and blinked again, not believing his eyes. Those men were nowhere to be seen, perhaps they had ran away while he was down or maybe they were hiding somewhere close, trying to ambush him any second but none of these possibilities did explain the horror in the girl's face or the puddle of blood where Mike and Will used to stand. Harry breathed out painfully and took a step closer to the girl who was clutching her younger brother to her chest so tightly her knuckles were growing white. He watched in confusion as the girl pulled herself back from him, trying to get away, no sign of recognition of the chosen one in her expression." Don't come closer…no closer you…you freaking monster" Harry had heard people call him with tons of different names but he was never called monster by anyone (except for the Durselys perhaps) and to say he was not expecting that from a girl he had just saved was something. He was confused and despite the powerful spell, he still had a sense of danger and unsafety but could not actually point what it was that was bugging him. The sticky liquid was dripping from his face and messed with his eyesight, trying to sneak behind his glasses, moving down towards his nose. He wasn't sure of the spell he had used but he guessed it shouldn't have been anything pleasant. "What are you playing at? I was just trying to save you" He tried to clean his face with the back of his hand and he frowned when he found the sticky liquid painting his hand in red. He laughed hysterically "Is this a game? Because of it is I swear to Merlin, it's not bloody funny" But the tone of his voice was nothing even close to amusement. It was filled with uncertainty and horror instead. He denied the truth laying upon his eyes as the realization slowly came to him. There was no way that Harry Potter, the savior of the light, had just blown two grown man into pieces. A hissing voice much like the locket's whispered in the back of his mind" You know the spell Harry" The end of his hair rose and his mouth suddenly dried up. "No…" he choked, taking a step back. His eyes looked at his bloody hands and clothes as if to make sure they were still red and this was not a nightmare he could wake up from "No...No…no... This… this isn't possible. I…I can't..." He didn't even know the spell so how could he used it against two people at his first shot successfully. He looked up, his eyes moving constantly, back, forth, left and right. There should be something else. Something powerful enough, dangerous enough to destroy a human being in a blink. The mass of blood stained blond hair light a candle of hope in him. He took a big hurried step towards the girl who was clutching her little brother to her chest trying to protect him. She knew…She should know what was happening here. She had seen it all." Hey…Hey…look at me…What happened …It's OK…you're" But the girl never let him finish. Her scream made him freeze." Please…Please I'm begging you…let me go…Have mercy" Harry watched her in disbelief and confusion" Look I just want to know what happened OK? I'm…I won't hurt you" He tried again and took a cautious step towards the pair, which was the wrong move. Because the next thing he knew, was her having a nervous breakdown. Her pained screams started to play with Harry's broken mind. The way she begged…The blood…The boy. Pictures of the final battle were moving in his mind, reminding him of all the people he had killed. Bile start to bubble in his stomach, threatening to flood his throat and mouth. He swallowed the nausea and stepped back from her, placing two hands on his ears to block the sound." Please, stop screaming" He whispered under his breath and said it repeatedly like a mantra, trying to get away from the girl. Next thing he knew he was at run in the forest, tears running down his face, blurring his visions. All that he wished for at that moment was to wake up. So this dream could come to an end.

Thousands of miles away from the forest of Dean, a red head girl was seating in the Gryffindor common room. Hugging her knees to her chest, starring at the fire but unlike her body, her gaze remained cold. Weasleys were leaving the castle in the morning. One more night and she was out of this place. Out of Hogwarts. A sense of relief washed over her when she realized the castle would take a long time to be repaired; she didn't have to come back for at least few months. Hogwarts wasn't always the place she felt suffocated in. Many years ago, it meant independency from her family, getting out of the shadow of her brothers and experiencing the fascinating things every magical person wished. But After this year, she couldn't stand it anymore… She could not breathe, the walls were closing around her and she wanted out. Her eyes moved to the entrance every 5 minutes. Old habits die hard. Her mind still wasn't quite convinced that the Carrows weren't about to burst in and hunt her.

She would have left that very night if the decision was up to her but it wasn't so she stayed, for the sake of her family. For George. Even though school was full of the memories of Fred, The Burrow was horrible. She couldn't imagine the pain George was going through. Aunt Muriel had offered them to stay with her till they got Burrow fixed up again but her parents were too worn out to decide what should they do with the dead body of their son. Bill had volunteered to arrange everything for the time being and it meant something for all the Weasley kids." Step up for Mom and Dad…" True, they were all, grieving but if there was ever a time that their parents needed support it was right then. Her thoughts were interrupted by Hermione's voice" Ginny…I'm sorry to bother you but have you seen Harry?" She spoke softly, as if she was afraid Ginny might break any minute. Could be the fact that she hadn't cried in front of everyone and choose to grief more privately." Harry?" She took a moment to gather her thoughts. Her mind drifted back to this morning when she had found him in the forest with all his damn act of being fine, though she could clearly see he was not But Harry didn't care. For him…Ginny was like any other person so he hide his emotions. She wasn't Ron and Hermione after all. She shook off the annoyance" No, not since this morning. Everything alright?" She cursed the little part of her that still was worried about him. Hermione nodded almost immediately and gave her a fake smile" Yeah…Just wanted to ask him something. You tell him to come find me if he came around?" Ginny's features turned cold" I don't appreciate being lied to" She had had enough of secrets of the golden trio. Hermione sighed in guilt and her mask fell, which warmed up Ginny's cold gaze." I'm sorry. I just didn't want to worry everyone especially after everything… I just hadn't seen him around much and my purse is gone as well…" Ginny frowned in confusion. "The purse I had with me in the wedding…remember? It had a enlargement (?) spell on it. All of our stuff is in that purse...all the stuff from the time when we were on the run…" Hermione chose to take a seat near the fire and join her. Ginny didn't seem to mind at all. "You think he took it with himself? But why?" Hermione sighed" I don't know…But I really want to ask him once he comes back" A rough voice joined their conversation.

"Leave the man alone Hermione. He needs his space"

Hermione frowned and was ready to give Ron an answer. Ginny couldn't help the faint smile. Somethings never changed she thought.

"What do you mean leave him? It's dangerous out there. Death eaters are after Harry's blood. It's not safe to go out all on his own"

Ron rolled his eyes but still took a place near Hermione, which was too close in Ginny's perspective. Perhaps things did change!

"We were at run all the year with Death eaters and you know who after our blood and we're still alright… Harry needs to be away for a bit, collecting his thoughts. It's not every day you kill a Dark lord now, is it?"

Hermione sighed and backed off" Maybe you're right…"

That did it and Ginny couldn't hold back the question anymore.

"What is it with you two?

They both turned to her and replied at the same time" Nothing!"

There it was. The secrecy of the three friends again, slapping her in the face. Ron immediately recognized the rejection in her eyes, which mind you was a first for him. Ronald and reading emotions didn't add up! At least that was the case before they left the wedding. He grabbed Hermione's hand in a bold move that surprised even Hermione." We only have started to figure it out so be a good sister and shut up about it" His ears started to turn pink. This time the stubborn smile worked its way on her face" If you say so…"

Strange things were wars. They broke people, only to make something new out of the wrecked pieces.


	4. Chapter 4

May 5th was a beautiful sunny day with a gentle breeze. Perfect for some family time. A picnic or a game of quidditch or maybe even a funeral…On May 5th 1998 Fred Weasley was put to rest in a family cemetery right outside the famous aunt Muriel's house. The Weasley family and their friends were all gathered around the grave as they put the body of a beloved son, brother and friend Deep in the ground and they all had the same thought. Nothing will ever be the same. Not when you see the ghost face of one son buried. Not when you hold back the twin so he would not jump in the same grave, trying to share the room with Fred like he always had shared everything else. Nothing would go back to normal when you volunteer to throw the first fist of soil on your brother so your parents wouldn't have to start. Life will change so will you…

Ginny's arm was wrapped around her mother, holding her on her feet for a few more moments until they could go back inside.

"This is not what he wanted. This…This is not right"

She rubbed George's arm with her free hand.

"I know…It doesn't feel right. Not here"

While Bill and the remaining members of the order had tried to fix Burrow up so they could move back in, the damage to the old building was catastrophic. There was only a slim chance of repairing it and they couldn't hold the funeral back any longer…they had to put Fred to rest and the family cemetery was their second best option.

When everyone started to go back in the Aunt Muriel's house, Mr. Weasley wrapped an arm around his wife and kissed the top of Ginny's head with a pained smile" Why don't you guys head back first, I'll stay with your Mom." Ginny took one last look at the Fred's grave and nodded before gently pulling George away but he didn't budge" I'll stay too…" He looked at his father and he simply nodded. She sighed in defeat and refused the comforting embrace of Bill before heading back to house with slow steps, biting his inner cheeks so she could hold the tears back, not sparing a single glance towards Ron who was in Hermione's comforting arms. A chill ran down her spine and she suddenly felt lonely, more than the past few days. She wrapped her arms around herself and walked faster but not inside the house. She couldn't face the crowed right now. She couldn't accept their words and tears. Grief's hands were suffocating her. Maybe it was selfish or even childish but she just wanted all the tears, the depression and the funerals to end. She wished lost people would start to show up alive instead of in bloody tortured pieces or not found at all. Her body and eyes were in desperate need of one full night sleep. No more nightmares. She was just…done. It didn't feel like the war was over. Not yet anyway…or maybe not for her. By then she was almost running, running away from all the pain when she hit a solid barrier and stumbled back. Angry tears flashed in her eyes. She raised her head and was ready to hex whomever that blocked, her path but there was nothing in front of her. The Green grounds stretched on for miles with no sign of anyone. She frowned in confusion and turned, looking in every direction but no one was there…Or maybe no one visible. She sighed at the sight of muddy footprints in front of her. Although it could have been anyone, even a deatheater, waiting for revenge but no deatheater would stay on the same place, only to make sure she was not hurt. She sighed again and moved back to her feet, staring ahead of her. Where she guessed Harry was standing and stretched her hand, feeling the silky fabric of the invisibility cloak under her fingers and felt how he shivered underneath. She stared with a tear-stained face and breathed his scent. Even after the breakup, he still had this effect on her. Like something would release in the back of her brain, calming her down at the presence of him. Almost like a drug. She had so many things to tell him. She wanted to scream at him for not being here all along, for showing up under an invisibility cloak like a coward but then again, they had already broken up. Hadn't they? She had no right to say those things. She bit back the words and pulled her hand away. Their relationship never felt finished for her and she always thought he felt the same but there was no going back to where they were. They couldn't go back to one year ago. So much had happened. So much had changed. Even if she needed him so bad right now, she couldn't fix anything between them. In that moment when Harry had just stood there, not taking off the cloak, Ginny felt like she was 12 again. Harry didn't love her, not in the way before or maybe he never truly did. He didn't take off the cloak. He didn't say a word or even touched her hand when she stretched it. He was just being polite. Just Being Harry…and Ginny was just his best friend's sister. She moved back from him and moved back to the house, feeling rejected. Somehow, the break up never felt this fresh and raw. One year ago, it felt like a Goodbye, like they would be together if they could, like he actually loved her But at that silent encounter it felt like a breakup. She couldn't help but miss the last year's breakup. Only if she knew that under the other side of the cloak there was a shivering pale boy with blood and mud covering him from head to toe. His wand arm shaking. His lips were dry while his eyes were wet. He followed her with his wavering gaze and his throat closed tightly yet he struggled to call after her" Gin…" But she never heard and never looked back, moving away, disappearing in the house. The shiver in his body only got worse and he tried to follow her in the house but his feet refused to move at the sight of the fresh grave. He froze when he saw how broken Molly and Arthur looked like. How empty George's expression was. Nobody wanted him here. Even if by some miracle they would forgive him for the loss of Fred, they would be horrified at what he had become. They would be scared and in a grave danger. What if he accidently hurt one of them?He couldn't risk anyone getting hurt. Nobody would understand he had not mean any of this. They would never accept him if they knew he could no longer control his magic or If they knew he had killed two men is such a terrible way. The last thing that Ginny heard was the soft crack of apparition." So it's done. We are done." She thought.

"He didn't even show up…"

Hermione didn't need anyone to tell her who was Ron talking about. While she was trying to reason with herself and offer an excuse for Harry, she couldn't help but feel upset as well.

"I don't know Ron. Harry never does things unless there is a good reason for it"

"I tell you what it is. He's blaming himself again." Ron frowned and leaned back on the couch they were sharing. He knew How Harry would feel guilty after all these deaths. The question was, did he blamed Harry as well?

"Well, that's to be expected. But there was no way we could figure out everything sooner."

"You're right but maybe…maybe if he had just went in the forest in the first place…"

"RON" Hermione cut him short with a horrific expression.

"What? He didn't die Hermione…He wouldn't die but maybe others could live" Ron was staring at George from the window, all the while thinking about the Fred and all the people they had lost. Hermione took a deep breath, She knew Ron was hurting and she couldn't blame him for wanting his brother back. Merlin knew how much she wanted her parents back with her.

"I'm not saying I want him to die so others could live…I don't want Harry to get hurt. I …I just…"

"You just wish everything had worked out differently. We all do Ron. Harry more than anyone"

Ron nodded, rubbed his face, and pulled her closer so their knees were touching, holding her hand. "I couldn't have said that better. Always the smart one." Her cheeks flamed up in a rosy pink color when he praised her, squeezing his hand. Ron had always called her smart, it was nothing new but with everything changing between them, even the simplest conversation felt more intimate, nothing like a conversation between two friends, even if they contained the same content. Ron broke the silence after a few moments." That's why I wanted him here. That way, nobody can blame him for living Hermione. But when he doesn't show up, everyone talks or wonder. Like it's not his right to live."

Hermione was about to give him an answer when she got distracted at the sight of an upset Ginny. "Come here Ginny, take a seat. I'll get you some tea" She squeezed Ron's hand before letting go, moving past the people and making her way towards the kitchen. To Ron's surprise, Ginny didn't refuse Hermione's offer and took her place on the couch, trying to steady her breathing.

"Alright?" Ron asked while leaning in to comfort her, thinking she was probably upset over Fred as well. Which she was, only not entirely.

"He was here…Harry I mean"

Ron sat straight and suddenly looked more interested, taking the cup of tea from Hermione the moment she came back and hand it to Ginny." What did he say?Was he OK? Why didn't we see him...? Wait…He came to see you?"

"Ronald, let her talk!" Hermione scolded. Ron's ears turned pink.

"Sorry" Only Ron sounded a little protective besides being curious about Harry. Ginny took her time sipping her tea before looking out of the window "He didn't say anything. He was under the cloak"

Hermione raised her eyebrows" Then how did you know it was Harry?"

"I just know" Ginny answered with a hint of annoyance. Hermione and Ron shared a meaningful look. There was a possibility that Ginny had just imagined Harry was here. She hadn't talk much since they came back from the castle, refusing to open up about the previous year but all of them sort of avoided the topic as well.

"Who was under the cloak?"

The trio's attention diverted to Bill. He was holding a tray of muffins, offering it to each of them. Before Ron and Hermione could think of an answer, Ginny spoke" Harry"

Bill nodded and seemed quite convinced." Was he OK? Haven't seen him for a while."

Ron rolled her eyes" yeah, she hadn't either."

Ginny's cheek turned red in anger" I know it was him. You don't have to believe me if you don't want to"

"Well I don't!" Ron shot back. With that being said, Ginny stormed out of the room and away from them.

Hermione was looking at Ron with a very disapproving look but Ron looked away.

"I meant to ask you. Do you know how Harry is doing? It's still quite dangerous out there. They have found the remaining of two men two days ago. Not much had been left. Blown up apparently."

Hermione's concern only grew" Not really. We haven't seen him since the day after the battel. We thought he needs some space and he'll come back when he's better but he hasn't yet."

Ron shifted on his place and his blue eyes focused" Should we be worried? Making a search team maybe?"

Bill shook his head" I'll see what I can find. Send him an owl and if he didn't show up or sent a proper replay tomorrow, we start searching."


End file.
